iRegret.net

I babysat a few times for a wonderful girl named Adrianna. I was in high school (14-15 years old), and she was between 8-10. We both shared the same daycare provider when we were younger, and so had known each other that way for years. When I got older, I was recommended by our daycare provider for Adrianna, as her family was in need of someone to come to sit with her while her parents, Peg and Luigi, went out. I was nervous at first, but Adrianna and I played like old friends. We are both only children, so I felt that we had something in common. She was so incredibly well behaved and happy, and her parents were always sweet and came to trust me, so I ended up babysitting for them many times. I have never wanted children, but I used to think that if I had a guarantee that my child would turn out like Adrianna, I would definitely have one. After I made sure she was asleep, I would wander throughout their house, looking at book titles, pictures, and the beautiful view out their kitchen window, before curling up on the sofa and falling asleep until her parents came home. Their house had such a loving and peaceful atmosphere about it; the complete opposite of what I was going through at home.

Spring break came and I was anxious for sleep and a little time with my friends. I worked at J.C. Penny pretty much whenever I wasn’t in school because I paid for everything I possibly could myself and so was always in need of $. But I couldn’t chose my own hours. So I was scheduled to work spring break — all of spring break — except for one day I had planned to go into San Francisco with two of my closest friends at the time. They tried to get me to work, but I would not budge — as anyone who has ever worked retail knows, managers treat you like anything except a human being, especially with regards to your time. Then Adrianna’s father called. They wanted me to babysit her all day because both her parents would be at work. The day? You guessed it–the day I had planned to explore SF with my friends, my only day off during spring break. If I said no, he would naturally want to know why not. He had already asked if I was available that week and I had told him that I had to check my work schedule. So I lied. A little white lie, I thought, so that no one’s feelings got hurt. I told him that I had to work at J.C. Penney and couldn’t babysit. Things went fine until I actually went to SF. We were just bumming around, looking at all the different people, enjoying the sea air and buying ourselves lunch when who should I run into walking down the street? Yes, Adrianna’s father, Luigi. Can I say that mortified does not begin to describe what I felt? Imagine my embarrassment at having to introduce him to my friends as well. He, however, was a perfect gentleman, and did not mention the lie at all, but greeted me and my friends warmly, and walked on. I had known that he worked in San Francisco–many people, live in the suburbs and commute in to earn their $, but what were the chances we’d be walking down the same street? To my surprise, they asked me to babysit for Adrianna again a few weeks later. When it came time for Luigi to drive me home after their night out was over, he said to me “I hope I didn’t embarass you the other day with your friends.” Now is the time to tell him, I thought, fess up, apologize, admit everything, clean slate, etc. But it wouldn’t come. I was so scared of his reaction, so ashamed of what I’d done, and to people who had only brought me good, that I just couldn’t. Instead I clammed up, sweating inside his car on a misty northern California night. So here it is, my point after all this rambling. To Luigi, Peg, and their lovely daughter Adrianna: I’m sorry for lying to you. I should have told the truth, even if that meant hurting someone’s feelings a little because that’s much better than hurting someone’s feelings a lot when they catch you in a lie. I should have had the guts to explain about the planned day out, apologize, and perhaps offer a discounted fee for the next sit.

I have more guts now if it makes anyone feel better, and I’d never do this same type of thing today. But it has bothered me all these years. It seems small, but it is something that has sat on my conscience. As far as I can tell, the family harbors no hard feelings against me–they gave me a beautiful set of distinctive silver and pink necklace and ear rings as a graduation present the likes of which I have never seen before or since. But I’m sorry for our misunderstanding; and I will always be grateful for the respite your house provided for me from mine; and for the chance to know and care for your Adrianna.

Submitted by: Kendra