iRegret.net

To: Allie:

I regret not telling you my feelings for you. I was just too afraid of not being accepted by you, that I wasn’t good enough for you. So, instead, I just went to my corner and sat.

I think you wanted to talk and be more than average friends with me, but I was just too afraid.

Even after I worked harder to be good enough for you, my courage faltered.

Even after the day you came up to me after class and asked if I was depressed (and I was, but over you), I waved you off with, “I just had a bad week,” then walked off.

And as I remember these things, one quality of you stood above others: Your kindness. If someone was waiting longer than you, you’d politely inform the teacher that this other person was there, first. You genuinely cared for other people’s feelings, you’d act to not embarrass anyone around you and I’ve never heard any comment with sarcasm, hate or anything negative come from you.

So I simply sat and watched you, never acting and generally being an awful person to you, time passed. Soon enough, it was finals’ week and on the last day of school, I decided to tell you.

The whole day, I steeled myself, braced myself for the worst, thought of all possible scenarios, what I’d say, where I’d say it, when I’d say it, what I’d do after acceptance or rejection. All this preparation and I didn’t tell you after class. I walked.

I mentally slapped myself and after the bell for summer rang, I looked for you, resolute and determined. Once again I saw you and once again my heart skipped a beat and once again my breath stopped.

And I watched. I watched you walk down the stairs and out the door, your ever-lasting smile on your face.

And then I walked. I couldn’t think, I was stunned that I didn’t even wish you a good summer. I even went outside to look for you, but I couldn’t find you. I should have looked more, to at least wish you a good summer. I couldn’t find you.

You changed my life, literally. After deciding I had to be better for you, grades rose, physical fitness improved, my circle of friends grew larger than ever! Yet I couldn’t even thank you on that last day of school, let alone tell you why you changed me…

I regret that day more than everything else in my life. And while everyone else is celebrating, I’m sitting alone with regret. By now, just two days after, I wish I would’ve asked and been refused. Because then I’d have at least tried.

The thing that makes it all worse is that there’s nobody else to blame. It’s all on me.

Submitted by: Justin