April 4, 2007
I “cursed” you after you took your life…
JC…..I am so sorry that the last time we talked I didn’t realize how sad you were. I was so wrapped up in all my drama with Chris that it didn’t even occur to me that things were bad for you even when you said they were OK. I should have tried harder to get you to stay up here instead of moving back home. I should have told hubby Chris that you were going to live with us, no matter what. You needed me and I completely let you down. Now you are gone. I see you everywhere even though it has been over two years. I am also sorry that I “cursed” you after you took your life. That was selfish and heartless of me. I didn’t understand that you were hurting and couldn’t bring yourself to share, not that you were being selfish. You tried so many times to help me with all my problems, especially my addiction to narcotics. I brushed you off, especially after you opened up to me about your Mom. That must have been really hard for you and I didn’t even say thank you for your care. I have wronged so many people over the years and I am really trying to make things right, I am clean and sober now. I hope wherever you are, you know that. And I couldn’t have done it without your grace and strength to help me along. Even though you’re not here, I can feel you and I know you’re happy for me and my family even though I am sure I hurt you so much. I have hurt so many, many friends, but I think I regret hurting you and then losing you before I could make it right more than anything. And even though I know you knew I was just kidding, I am sorry that I always made fun of your stature. Being tall, it is just natural for me to make fun of short people and you took my ribbing with grace and humor. I am not sure what happens to us after we die….according to my in-laws, we meet people we love again. I sincerely hope they are right because I want to see you again and talk to you and tell you how much I love(d) you and how sorry I am. I wish I could have saved you, JC. I would gladly trade my life for yours. I know that is easy to say as it can never happen, but I am sincere in that statement and I am sorry that it isn’t something I can actually do.
Submitted by: Amy S.
At 7:32 am on May 30, 2007, Ken commented:
You sobered up, she would be proud.
At 1:30 pm on October 1, 2007, Andrea commented:
Hold your family and friends closer than ever before. I was mean to my father the same day he was killed in a car wreck. I held resentment toward him because he would rather drink or get high instead of being a father. I lived with regret for a long time untill I found Jesus who has helped me with the resentment, hurt and guilt. I know that my father loved me too. forgiveness is an awesome thing. I hope you find it too.