February 9, 2007
Don’t even know what’s real and what’s not…
i regret ever listening to your sweet, disjointed words. part of me wishes you would have kept them to yourself.
outside, i am trying so hard to keep it all together — to be respectful and ‘cool.’
inside, i am wrecked and writhing with pain and confusion. i don’t even know what’s real and what’s not right now.
i think i am grieving the death of a possibility that i have spent my entire life longing for. and i am ashamed of that.
Submitted by: I
At 8:25 am on May 28, 2007, e commented:
hang in there. it’ll be okay in the end though the pain is tough now and may still last for a bit–but it will leave you.
At 9:00 pm on July 26, 2007, the original poster commented:
it hasn’t left me yet. and it’s been 5 months. i lost the ability to be respectful and cool – i told him and i lost his friendship. and i’m absolutely heartbroken. how could i have been so stupid?
At 5:00 am on October 18, 2007, ray commented:
I understand you, my girlfriend left 2 months ago, I was not demonstrative enough with my devotion to her and our child. She was and still is struggling to get over the doubt and “answers” she crested in the absence of my outward declarations of the depth of my emotions, and now I am here lost without her and she took with her the child we have together and cant get beyond the “answers” she created for herself… mostly that I did not love either of them… I ache in the most horrid way over this and there seems only one way to end the soul crushing anguish…