iRegret.net

Yeah, I’m not going to argue. I love to smoke some dope and listen to some good, good shit, Sam Cooke, Led Zeppelin, Elvis, but I’m not a drug addict. I don’t even drink. You’re having your third or fourth vodka concoction, your breath could light up the room, and you’re there complaining to me about the weed? I’m functional and my dick’s functional. I feed us. Charlie-girl, I just love, love, love getting stoned. Do I love it as much as I love you? Maybe. Not more but as much? You want honesty? So maybe. I don’t say “no more Kettle 1 and pick-your-insulin-bedeviling mixer.” I wouldn’t. I regret that I can’t be who you want, whoever that (sober) guy is. I regret that you can’t let me be who I am — a sometimes dope fiend AND your fucking steadfast lover and friend.

Submitted by: Lamano

Tim: I regret not kicking you in the balls when I had the chance. Someone should kick you in the balls. Hard.

Submitted by: Andy

I regret that I can’t see my future, that I don’t believe I have one that’s any different from what I’m living every day. I know I do, if I could believe in it, if I could find some relief from work, kids, bills, cooking, cleaning. I mean it’s beautiful today and I want so much to be in the beauty. I want to break something valuable. I want to be free.

Submitted by: Dorothy

I regret doing horrible things when we were broken up and regret losing my cool and blowing up like a time bomb in your face because I couldn’t tell you how I felt. I am sorry for hurting you and making you feel like I didn’t love you and I am sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to do that. I love you and want to marry you…but I am sorry I have betrayed you to the point I am no longer wanted.

Submitted by: Courtney

i regret not keeping up with local current events. listen, settle with who you will. waiting for me doesnt make sense sweetheart. there are so many others.

Submitted by: viola blue

When I was a waiter, I spit in people’s food now and again. I usually did it to get even — for being treated like pond scum. But sometimes I did it just because I hated the job and hated my life at the time. But, yeah, you bet, I’m careful where I eat out these days and how I treat the waitstaff. Karma, right?

Submitted by: Kevin

Mom… i converted into Islam.. i know how you feel about Muslims after i did the Shahadah. i cant tell you to your face i converted… somedays i feel guilty because you cant imagine your child being Muslim. if you just didnt follow the stereotypes and if you found out the truth for yourself you would accept me. one day you will get it. i cannot imagine dying in another religion.. im sorry that you got into a motorcycle accident and you went around the house with holy water with me knowing it meant nothing to me because i dont believe in your god. you said your god would always be there for me but he’s not… i dont know when i will tell you but it will happen whether it takes a day or years. maybe you will listen to me and i will explain Islam to you and see its the most peaceful religion out there. i still love you and i cant stand lying to your face every day.

Liza, I stopped the friendship not because I loved you (on the contrary, I couldn’t take you anymore), but because I was so hot for your mom that it was becoming obvious. The minute your dad left her, it was either try something or walk away. And I regret not trying.

Submitted by: David

I AM SO SORRY I SLEPT WITH YOU THE OTHER NIGHT, IN THAT HOTEL IN THE VILLAGE, NOT BECAUSE IT WASN’T GREAT, BECAUSE IT WAS, BUT BECAUSE I HAD NO INTENTION OF CALLING YOU THE NEXT MORNING OR EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING THAT IT HAPPENED. I HAD NO PLANS TO SLEEP WITH YOU, BUT YOU WERE JUST SO WILLING THAT I JUST SIMPLY COULD NOT PASS YOU UP. AT LEAST I KNOW NOW THAT MY CONSCIENCE STILL FUNCTIONS.Submitted by: David

I AM SO SORRY I ATTENDED HUNTER COLLEGE HIGH SCHOOL IN THE LATE 70S AND EARLY 80S. DECADES LATER I AM STILL SUFFERING FROM JUST THE PURE MEANNESS AND SILENCE OF MY FORMER CLASSMATES. I FIND MYSELF WONDERING HOW MY LIFE WOULD HAVE WORKED IF I NEVER SET FOOT THERE. AND I REGRET NOT HAVING KILLED MY MAIN TORMENTOR.

Submitted by: David

Stephen: I regret how much I hurt you. I was a selfish, stupid child, and you never deserved to be treated that way. I cheated on you, and that was wrong. But the worst part was I never told you, we never talked about it… I was cold and I hate myself for it. You found out and I never apologized. If I could change anything I would change everything about that experience. I am sorry. I loved you. Part of me still loves you. I regret that night every day of my life. I think about you, about what we had and could have now, and I hate myself for it. I didn’t know how to handle the mistake I made, and I only hurt you more. You are an amazing person and I miss you every day of my life. I will never forgive myself. I don’t want forgiveness, I just want you to know I am sorry.

Submitted by: Tina

I regret kissing you back the other night, and then not telling you how it made me feel. Kissing you filled me with excitement, and shivers, and I feel like I’ve started to fall for you. But we’ve been ‘just friends’ for so long, and on that night, when you did kiss me, I was so surprised, but it seemed to be more about sex than love. I was afraid you were just thinking about sex, and that I would feel too exposed if I expected more than just one night upstairs. I was afraid to talk, afraid to say that I felt it in other places than between my legs, afraid to offer love, to be vulnerable and honest — so I just left it there, in front of your apartment. I left the feelings, the kisses, the heat — told you, “I should go,” and let you believe that my feelings were mild, and that I just didn’t want “to ruin our friendship.” (I hate invoking clichés.) But now I can’t stop thinking about it, and I feel like I’ve lied. I regret not having the courage to say out loud how I feel. I regret being fearful enough that I muffle my truth for the sake of not seeming vulnerable to another person’s feelings for me. I regret not speaking all of the incredibly hot sentences I had stored in my head, about you, about why I do want you.Submitted by: Juliette

Most of all, I regret letting myself down.

Submitted by: Anonymous

I wish I’d gone on antidepressants years ago. I didn’t trust the whole pharmaceutical big-profit thing, didn’t want to screw with my brain (such as it was). But now I sleep better, think better, and act like less of a jack-off most of the time. I was depressed. It was situational and clinical. I saw a shrink; he tired to help, sometimes did, but now I’m a lot lighter, freer to deal with all my shit, and regret I didn’t experiment sooner.

Submitted by: James

Jill: Many times over the last almost 40 years I have wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the teasing you endured by me in the 8th grade at Walt Whitman school in Virginia. Putting a picture of you up on the bulletin board while you were changing out of your gym class was the worst. I was a stupid, fat bully that didn’t want to call any attention to myself, so you became my target. I am sorry. This is just one of the things that if I could take back, I would. I have tried to look for you using the internet so that I could tell you this in a more personal way but have been unsuccessful so far. Maybe you were the child of a military dad as well and Alexandria, Virginia was not your hometown. I never took the time to get to know you. I do remember your love of horses and hope that you had the chance to have them in your life in some way.

Submitted by:  Toni

I could have been a better father. I was busy raising money for my kid, so he could get a good education, have all the books, clothes, and computer stuff he needed. But I know now that he needed me, my company, my authority, my friendship. He got a good education but he has no idea who I am and even today, when I see him, I can feel what a lonely kid he still is.

Submitted by: Richard

Where did you go, Sarahgirl39? We wrote online almost every day for weeks. You told me things you haven’t told anyone. That’s what you said and I believe you. You made me laugh, and then you disappeared, no reply. The on-line dating service won’t tell me who you are or how to find you. I mean, we were intimate; we even had e-mail sex or sort of. I know you look at this site so if you get this, Sarah, write me again. I hope you’re okay. I hope nothing’s happened to you. I miss you already. I never cared what you look like.

Submitted by: Frankie37

Tom: My husband died four years ago almost to the day I’m writing this. I have been content to be alone since then and miss him, mourn him. Then you show up and you want me to love you, to go on trips, without planning or even a bag packed, to make love in bathrooms and alleyways. You give me all this exuberance, all these colors and music, noise, but I still love him, and I don’t know if there’s room in me for both of you. My life was simple and now with you it’s full, too full, and it scares me. Don’t ask me to let go of him. I can’t.

Submitted by: Heather Anne

I regret not keeping in touch with my friends that used to make me laugh till I cried. We were tighter than any two people could be. We knew everything about each other and liked each other anyway! Then divorced parents, school, boyfriends, babies, miles apart and life in general came before our friendship. I am so sorry, I really miss our past. No matter what time has passed true friends can always pick up like there was no time between them.

Submitted by: Gina

I regret letting you treat me like shit for the past ten years. I regret not standing up for myself or our marriage when you constantly disrespected both. I regret that I didn’t have enough strength to leave you the hundreds of times that I have wanted to before now. I regret that I gave my heart (that you knew had been broke before) to you to do with what you wanted. I regret that now my kids think that this is the way married people in love should act. But most of all I regret that I know that I will never let myself love again. Thank you.

Submitted by: Gina

I’m saying sorry to myself for not respecting myself enough.  For staying with a guy even though he told someone else he loves them.  For always coming back to him, even though it probably wasn’t best that I do.  I’m sorry to my dad for not calling him like I should.  I’m too ashamed to tell him the situation that is going on right now.  I’m sorry for letting other people see me nude just so I could get a few bucks for food.  I realize that meal wasn’t worth what I did for it.  I’m sorry for letting our roommate come back.  I couldn’t stand him before, so why did I think I would this time?  He gives us no privacy and thinks only of himself.  I’m sorry to my other roommate as well.  I wanted you to be happy here, but I’m sorry for eating your food while you were gone, when I had none.  I’m sorry for you having to hear the arguments and seeing the house in total disarray at times.  I’m sorry to my mom for not being there in the hospital with her before she died, because I wanted to see a guy and never thought she would pass away. But she did.  I’m sorry to all the stores I’ve stole from.  I’m sorry for taking money from my dad.  I’m sorry I didn’t respect myself enough to stay being the good person I truly am.

Submitted by: AD

i’m sorry that i’ve wasted myself this past year…these past two…two and a half. i’m sorry that i’ve drowned myself, dosed myself, denied myself both sleep and true consciousness. i’m sorry that i’ve lost myself and denied my abilities. i’m sorry that i went to college and took out these loans because i’d quit if they wouldn’t default, quit and save some money. i’m sorry that i can’t, sorry that i have these tattoos on my arms and that i hide them under long sleeves in my office and at my mother’s apartment. i’m sorry when my father calls because he is so far away and because he left me and not i him. sorry that my mother kisses another man, sleeps in another man’s bed and talks to his younger daughter. i’m sorry that my father doesn’t know, that he loves her, that i can’t bring myself to tell him. i’m sorry when she says he still makes her laugh. because he makes me laugh too. and it makes me cry.

Submitted by: sp

I thought I could love away all your sadness, all that anger. I thought if I just stood strong enough, took it all, it would ameliorate matters, that you’d see love can be unconditional; it could bend and you’d figure out how worthwhile you were. I was wrong. Terribly wrong. That was no kind of glue between us. Maybe it emasculated you. I don’t know. But what I do know is that you feel like a poison in me now, one that I can’t quite purge; remembering how you treated me, how I let you treat me, makes me feel that ill, that debilitated at times. I was warned and warned, but I thought I knew better, knew you better, knew life and its possibilities better. Again I was wrong. I couldn’t save you and you resented me for trying. Guess what? Me, too. These days I hate me for it, too. It went on too long and when another man, one of the most beautiful, capable men I’ve ever known, showed up to love me, I was still fighting for you, us. How do I get this poison out? How do I forgive myself for you, for making you up?

Submitted by: Anti-hero

To my grandfather’s young gay lover: I want to apologize for how my family treated you towards the end of his life. I was just a kid and didn’t realize what was going on.  If I did I would have tried to be kinder. You deserved whatever money he gave you, because you were in many ways a better son to him than my father was. I hope you’ve kicked your coke habit by now and that your life is going well.

Submitted by: Anonymous

This is an anti-regret: I’m glad we finally had moment of openness, even if just to say that we’re going to stay “just friends”. The kind of laughter we enjoy together is better than sex, and we’ll never have to endure any pain or drama with each other ever again. A lifetime of close, deep, and wildly entertaining friendship like ours, that can survive a romantic interlude without any lingering awkwardness, is a treasure worth keeping. However, I still mourn the fact that we’ll never kiss again. You were my first and still the best. I hope we’re able to keep transforming our strong feelings for one another into the basis of something beautifully un-tragic.

Submitted by: AS