{"id":563,"date":"2011-11-29T09:31:11","date_gmt":"2011-11-29T14:31:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/2011\/11\/29\/ive-felt-that-i-needed-to-hurt-myself-to-feel-better\/"},"modified":"2011-11-29T09:34:37","modified_gmt":"2011-11-29T14:34:37","slug":"ive-felt-that-i-needed-to-hurt-myself-to-feel-better","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/2011\/11\/29\/ive-felt-that-i-needed-to-hurt-myself-to-feel-better\/","title":{"rendered":"I&#8217;ve felt that I needed to hurt myself to feel better&#8230;."},"content":{"rendered":"<style>\u00a0<!--  \/* Font Definitions *\/ @font-face \t{font-family:\"Times New Roman\"; \tpanose-1:0 2 2 6 3 5 4 5 2 3; \tmso-font-charset:0; \tmso-generic-font-family:auto; \tmso-font-pitch:variable; \tmso-font-signature:50331648 0 0 0 1 0;} @font-face \t{font-family:Verdana; \tpanose-1:0 2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2; \tmso-font-charset:0; \tmso-generic-font-family:auto; \tmso-font-pitch:variable; \tmso-font-signature:50331648 0 0 0 1 0;}  \/* Style Definitions *\/ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal \t{mso-style-parent:\"\"; \tmargin:0in; \tmargin-bottom:.0001pt; \tmso-pagination:widow-orphan; \tfont-size:12.0pt; \tfont-family:\"Times New Roman\";} table.MsoNormalTable \t{mso-style-parent:\"\"; \tfont-size:10.0pt; \tfont-family:\"Times New Roman\";} @page Section1 \t{size:8.5in 11.0in; \tmargin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; \tmso-header-margin:.5in; \tmso-footer-margin:.5in; \tmso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 \t{page:Section1;} --> <\/style>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana\">I regret all the family who have chosen to be absent my whole life, I\u2019ll never understand that. I regret feeling like my dad leaving when I was young was somehow my fault, I regret wishing he would come back so I could know him and I regret when he came back into our lives some 15 years later, because it became painfully obvious things were better without him around. I regret the abandonment issues and feelings of disappointment I gained as a result. I regret that my Mom has been through so much. I regret the deep, dark depression I have at times that I just wish would go away. I regret when I don\u2019t believe in myself and when I seem to be afraid of success because I think it will leave like people do. As a result, I regret not going to university, where I knew that I could be and do anything. I regret that my mom gave up all of my siblings for adoption. I regret when I\u2019ve felt that I needed to hurt myself to feel better, and I even more regret following through with it. I regret having OCD and how it makes me feel productive and anxious all at once. I regret when I say \u201csorry\u201d in a situation I know damn well wasn\u2019t my fault so it will be over. I regret all the years I spent being self-destructive, my time could\u2019ve been spent doing much better things. I regret all the times I gave in to my husband\u2019s demands for sex when I didn\u2019t want to at the time but didn\u2019t want to ruin the night with a fight. I regret wasting so much time and money being high. I regret having to pretend like nothings wrong so often, so much pretending. When my husband has thrown things at me and been verbally abusive and manipulative, I regret being married and the fact that I didn\u2019t leave years sooner. I regret pushing all of this deep down inside, and more&#8230;.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana\">Submission: Me<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; I regret all the family who have chosen to be absent my whole life, I\u2019ll never understand that. I regret feeling like my dad leaving when I was young was somehow my fault, I regret wishing he would come back so I could know him and I regret when he came back into our [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,9,16,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-563","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family","category-husbands-wives","category-sex","category-yourself"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/563","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=563"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/563\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=563"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=563"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=563"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}