{"id":565,"date":"2011-12-16T22:09:21","date_gmt":"2011-12-17T03:09:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/2011\/12\/16\/the-only-way-to-escape-the-torment-was-to-stop-caring-about-anything\/"},"modified":"2011-12-16T22:09:21","modified_gmt":"2011-12-17T03:09:21","slug":"the-only-way-to-escape-the-torment-was-to-stop-caring-about-anything","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/2011\/12\/16\/the-only-way-to-escape-the-torment-was-to-stop-caring-about-anything\/","title":{"rendered":"The only way to escape the torment was to stop caring about anything&#8230;."},"content":{"rendered":"<style>\u00a0<!--  \/* Font Definitions *\/ @font-face \t{font-family:\"Times New Roman\"; \tpanose-1:0 2 2 6 3 5 4 5 2 3; \tmso-font-charset:0; \tmso-generic-font-family:auto; \tmso-font-pitch:variable; \tmso-font-signature:50331648 0 0 0 1 0;} @font-face \t{font-family:Verdana; \tpanose-1:0 2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2; \tmso-font-charset:0; \tmso-generic-font-family:auto; \tmso-font-pitch:variable; \tmso-font-signature:50331648 0 0 0 1 0;}  \/* Style Definitions *\/ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal \t{mso-style-parent:\"\"; \tmargin:0in; \tmargin-bottom:.0001pt; \tmso-pagination:widow-orphan; \tfont-size:12.0pt; \tfont-family:\"Times New Roman\";} table.MsoNormalTable \t{mso-style-parent:\"\"; \tfont-size:10.0pt; \tfont-family:\"Times New Roman\";} @page Section1 \t{size:8.5in 11.0in; \tmargin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; \tmso-header-margin:.5in; \tmso-footer-margin:.5in; \tmso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 \t{page:Section1;} --> <\/style>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana\">I regret never caring about anything. Not caring is like a drug, it is so addictive&#8230;..when you don\u2019t care you can do anything, say anything, get anything&#8230;&#8230;.but the one thing you can\u2019t do if you don\u2019t care is feel. \u00a0Up until a year ago, when my father died, I hadn\u2019t felt anything in so long I have almost forgotten what it is like. I have alienated my friends and family, and even when I am in the company of others, I am alone. One of the reasons I stopped caring, so long ago, was that it hurt so much to care. I was sexually abused by a family member when I was seven. I was so filled with self hate and disgust, and anger, at my very existence, that I wanted to kill myself at that young age. The only way to escape this torment was to stop caring about anything, and that\u2019s what I did. \u00a0Two decades later, I sit alone in my multi million dollar condo, watching the snow fall, typing this. With my money and career success, many would envy my life but, for me, it has been an empty, lonely, meaningless hell. I have pushed everyone away who has approached me, because I could not believe that anyone would be stupid enough to actually care about me. I have hated everyone for the love they have in their lives and, at the same time, despised the concept of love itself. I am both a bitter old man in a young mans body, and a scared angry, wounded child in an adults body. \u00a0I guess my dads death shook something loose because I feel things now, but mostly only anger, regret, and sadness, both at what I have missed in my life, and what I will most likely miss in the future. There are times when I draw the logical conclusion that I should kill myself, and I frankly can\u2019t think of a reason not to anymore, and in some ways I am right back where I started at 7 years old. \u00a0I am drinking alot and feel incoherent most of the time, which is better than consciousness. It hurts so much to care, but it hurts even more not to.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana\">Submitted by: Tom<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; I regret never caring about anything. Not caring is like a drug, it is so addictive&#8230;..when you don\u2019t care you can do anything, say anything, get anything&#8230;&#8230;.but the one thing you can\u2019t do if you don\u2019t care is feel. \u00a0Up until a year ago, when my father died, I hadn\u2019t felt anything in so [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,16,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-565","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family","category-sex","category-yourself"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/565","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=565"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/565\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=565"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=565"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iregret.net\/wp-goodies\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=565"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}